John M F Q
by MonkeyTaco
Summary: I couldnt hate this movie anymore if Morgan J. Freeman had directed it in Night Vision.


I was sitting on my couch watching "Mad City" with my step father tonight and all he was doing was bad mouthing the crap out of it.  
  
How there was no emotion, and no realism and all this crap. Now dont get me wrong, this was no oscar calibre film we are talking about, but then he goes and worships one of the worst films of all time "John Q" and talking about how it covers a "Serious problem plaguing the world today" and how it is such a great film and how realistic it is.  
  
Never have I hated John Q so much in my life! I didnt like it in theatre, but when I was sitting there trying to watch a movie that I payed to see only to be constantly interupted to hear him point out every little thing he didnt agree with was just driving me insane.  
  
So, in light of these recent events, I have decided to recap the movie known as "John Q" just to show why ti doesnt deserve to be called oscar worthy or remarkable or "Denzel's Finest Hour" because I bet he has had finer hours shaving his crouch!  
  
I am so overwelmingly filled with hate for That film that I cant even start complaining about it!  
  
I will though, as soon as I regain my head....  
  
3........2........1.........  
  
Okay, this is that god damned movie.........  
  
John Q  
  
Oh Look at me, Im Denzel Washington, my son is dying so I am rationalizing taking a hospital hostage and causing other potentially dying individuals to not get the care they need because I am holding them at gun point while they sit and listen to me pout about my dying son! I have a gun on innocent people.  
  
Hey look at me, Im James Woods and Anne Heche, we are the doctors, we have lost all emotions, and refuse to listen to Denzels Pleades to help his son because there insurance doesnt cover it, and when they almost have enough it still isnt good enough, because we are stereotypical doctors who dont feel anything for there patients. Look at us, dont you love how realistic we are? Yay for us, we are heartless therefor we are the villians in the movie, dispite only doing our jobs.  
  
Hey everyone, Dont forget us, we are Ray Lliota and Robert Duvall as the Stereotypical Cops fighting over who gets control of the hostage situation, I, Ray Lliota, being a close minded angry cop who just wants to go in and kill him, while I, Robert Duvall, will do anything to bring Denzel out and hear his side of the story because it is no doubt heart warming and amazingly heartfelt in its psychotic stupidity!  
  
I, Ray Lliota, will jsut pull rank and take control thinking I'm right only to end up making a mistake. Boy is my face red! Darn it, back to you, Robert Duvall, I realise now that I am an inept cop.  
  
Thanks Ray, I am Robert Duvall, I being the cop with common sense and compassion for those who take sick people hostage and make treatment impossible to get. Thats okay, I am one of the heroes so you can love me!  
  
Hurray, I am obscure Reporter character that cares more about getting the story than the lives of the people in the hospital. I have been played out in a million different films but I will always be there to film misery, watch this! I will just climb up onto the side of the Hospital, so I am practically in the middle, I am not law enforcment but why should I listen to the police, I am a journalist! Look at mee!!!!  
  
Hi everybody, We are the hostages, we have guns pointed at us but we are going to try and get to know the hostage taker, Denzel, because we feel for him. We somehow forget our reasons for being here in the first place and fall in love with the intentions of this nice kind gun wielding maniac. Not only that, but our excetricities make for great side stories.  
  
Me, Eddie Griffin, love making jokes that arent funny, because I am that funny black character that is there purely for irrelevant humor, dont you just love me? Well what about me? The abusive husband hostage who gets taught a lesson through all this when Denzel and everyone else shows me that it is wrong to hit women. Thank god there was time between all that demand making and kid saving and gun pointing and hostage taking for me to be shown the meaning of being a husband. I love life.  
  
Wait, its not over yet, because now we have the massive crowd of people that have collected around the hospital despite the situation only appearing hours prior, but dotn worry, because dispite not knowing much about the situation, we all support the heroic hostage taker and hate the evil doctors who wont break there rules to save one child at the expence of another, and those satanic cops who are doing there best to keep order and stop anybody from being killed. We worship word of mouth! The media tells me I love Denzel so I do! I love you Denzel! You can break into a hospital when I am hanging at the edge of life anytime, because I would die for your son in a heartbeat! HAHA get it, Heartbeat! cause he needs a heart transplant!  
  
GOD DAMN THAT MOVIE!  
  
Then you know there was a happy ending, you know the kid lives, because we love the kid and it would be so horrible if he died. Which we all know they wont kill teh kid, but god, they had a perfectly good way of ending the movie, which I thought might have half-way redeemed the cliche bullshit in the middle. Which was for Denzel to kill himself and donate his heart to his son, but nope, with seconds to spare, another heart is brought in and SURPRISE! nobody dies in the movie.  
  
YAY!!!! Hurray for Happy Endings!!!  
  
I hope you choke on something sharp and jagged, Nick Cassavetes, because I hate you! This movie was awful, and I want you to know it.  
  
It was so contrived and pathetic, and I felt this way long before that bull crap I put up with earlier this evening watching Mad City.  
  
Like I said, Mad City wasnt a work of Genius, but god damn it, they went for satire, they were a social commentary about how the media can paint pictures of something horrible and make it into a human interest story, where as this did the same thing, only on accident.  
  
This is a horrible film and I hate the love that it gets.  
  
Unlike Rollerball though, I dont hate the people that enjoyed it, because, with the right ammount of emotion inside you to clog your common sense, anyone can enjoy such rubbish. Just like "A walk to Remember" with Mandy Moore, sure it was contrived bullshit, but I could have forced myself to enjoy it by simply allowing myself to be stupid for a couple hours.  
  
So unlike some other films, this isnt an attack on those who enjoyed it, although you are stupid in some respects.  
  
No, this is just me proclaiming my hatred for a film that deserves to be hated.  
  
So with that, I stop forcing you to think like me and return you to mindless masterbation.  
  
Bye. 


End file.
